By no means had I planned on breaking up with him that day. I had been praying & talking to others about it, so I knew it was coming. I just wasn’t expecting it that soon. But feeling led to, as hard and as painful as it was, I left a relationship I had been in for the past 3 years. Last week marked the one year anniversary of that breakup. Meaning one year I thought I’d never get through. One year I saw ending differently. One year I’ve seen God do some pretty stinkin’ awesome things in me. Then: I was so broken up by the whole ordeal, though I was the one who broke things off. I would go days & weeks regretting my decision. But as the months went by, the days got easier as I settled into my life without him. Now: I’m not going to lie when I say I still have mixed emotions but I’m in such a better place than I was before. I have peace about where I’m at right now & hope for what God still has planned for me.
Have you gone through a big breakup before? If so, you must know the feeling of the one year mark after “The Breakup.” I feel like my situation is a bit unique as in the breakup was the breakup, no further contact, no promised friendship, no on again off again. Just 3 years blown away like a wisp of autumn air. Now it’s a year later, and I’m over here like, “What now?” Can you relate? Last week as I pondered that question, I made a few steps that I want to share with you guys in hopes that it can also help you move forward one year after a big breakup.
Put yourself back out there
Everyone is different with how much time they need after a big breakup. What I don’t recommend is putting yourself out there too soon. As in 1 week later…as I did (Yikes!) Give yourself time to heal from the heartbreak of your relationship that once was. Take the time work on your relationship with God. Go to counseling. Read books on breakups. But at the same time, don’t wallow in it. I feel like a year is plenty of time for me. After my initial couple of rebounds, I calmed down & took time off. Now I’m ready to put myself out there. Start being intentional about being available. Join the singles ministry at your local church. If there’s no eligible bachelors in your circle, try online dating. Let your friends know you’re back on the market & give them the pleasure of playing matchmaker.
Related post (for kicks & giggles): Man Selfies: How to NOT Get a Date Online
Get busy & set goals
It’s never a good idea to be so focused on finding a man that it’s your main goal in life. That’s just a disaster waiting to happen with more heartbreak to come. Instead, get busy with other dreams & aspirations and start setting goals for those things. My lifelong dream has been to start my own business & I’ve been busy working hard with that. Learning, networking, blogging, & aiming towards my goals. This keeps me busy while I wait for Prince Charming to come. And I’m convinced that it’s going to be one of the things that attracts him to me! What guy doesn’t love an ambitious, goal-oriented girl that’s making things happen for herself?!
Related post: Why I Quit My Dream Job
Keep working on your best self
In general, you always need to be working on becoming the best YOU. God has created you for so much more & each and every day He wants us to discover more and more of who that is. Keep working on every aspect of your life: physical, emotional, & spiritual. I absolutely love this quote: “Stop worrying about finding the right person. Start working on becoming the right person.” I think that right there sums it all up!
Expand your circle
Being single and working in a church full of young married couples, I often find myself in isolation. Whether it be mindless Netflix binging, binge eating, or simply feeling sorry for myself. Let me just tell you, that’s no bueno! If your singles pool is getting smaller, it’s time to hop into a larger pool. Expand your circle, make new friends, & be intentional about spending time with them. I’ve been trying to schedule at least 3 social activities each week whether that be with a group of people or just one person. I’m extremely introverted, so this is a big challenge for me! And since I work at a church full of young marrieds & older people, I’ve started going to other churches to find small groups of girls my age and stage of life. It’s great to have married friends, but it’s also important to have single friends too. You’re going to need a wing woman eventually!
As much as I dislike having to be patient, this is the fruit of the Spirit that God is continually working on with me. In my season of waiting, I’ve been able to come to terms with my singleness. Little by little embracing it for what it is & appreciating all that comes with it. But waiting patiently for Prince Charming to come doesn’t mean that you wallow in self-pity at your predicament. Instead, it means that you trust God with your heart. I’ve been so tempted to become bitter with all the Facebook posts & Instagram pics of happy couples & brand new babies. But in our singleness, this is not a land where we allow our hearts to grow cold, instead it’s a land that God is warming our hearts for something so much more than we could have ever imagined.
Related post: In the Land Between
I’m not sure what the future holds for me. And I’m not going to lie, I’ve totally been tempted to just give up & become a nun. But I’m holding on to the hope that God has someone out there that’s waiting for me too & I’m moving forward for him & for me.